The Day His Smile Disappeared 9: Slowly Recovering
by Elentari the Fair
Summary: So...How are things going? Is he still sick? Is he recovering..well, you're gonna have to read it for yourself! Love ya! Please R&R!


Six months later Adrian was sitting in his chair talking to Sharona, sitting across from him on the couch. She came to see him almost every day. After her shift after the hospital, she would drive over to his house and talk to the rail thin man sitting in his chair for hours. At first Sharona wanted nothing more to do with Adrian, but when Leland called her once at the hospital, sounding particularly desperate, she suddenly pitied this man, wracked in sadness, and went to talk to him. He was an eccentric sort of man she thought. Deeply in love with his wife. It was the only thing he really spoke about with passion. Sometimes his eyes would fill up with tears when he thought of her death, and he would weep openly every time he read that poem to Sharona that his wife had written to him right before she died. Sometimes his hands would clench and he would gnash he teeth in anger, when he described the car bombing again and again. Sometimes he would smile over fond memories he had of her. Sharona had seen almost every emotion from Adrian in those past six months, but the only thing was...she had never seen him laugh. Not even when he would tell her the "funniest joke he has ever heard." Naturally Trudy had told him that joke, she was after all "A born comedian." Clearly if she took what Adrian said to heart, obviously Trudy Monk was the most perfect woman in the world. Without a single flaw.

Sharona envied Trudy because she has always wished she could find someone that would love her this deeply. She had gone through a nasty divorce with her husband Trevor, who took off and left her with her son Benjy. She felt her heart melt when she thought of her son. What a wonderful kid. Benjy was the most perfect five year old. (He just had a birthday) A sandy haired little kid, with the most beautiful green eyes. He got his hair from his mother, and the crystal, clear green eyes from Trevor. He would ask frequently "Where's daddy?" Sharona didn't know what to tell him.

Adrian's Recovery took a long time with a few relapses which saddened and frightened both his Captain and Sharona who came almost every day. After about a week, he was finally "allowed" to get up out of bed, but not allowed to do anything but sit in his living room, which was covered in dust. So whenever she would leave the apartment, he would clean and clean his heart out. In a way, cleaning was his escape from the pain he felt every day. Sharona knew it, Stottlemyer knew it, Christie knew it. Everyone knew it except for Adrian himself.

They for once weren't talking about Trudy, they were talking about the police force and when Adrian was going back to work. Stottlemyer gave him "unemployment" checks every week, but it was no where nearly what he usually made. The money was finally starting to run out.

"I don't feel I'm ready to go back. How can I go back to the place that is allowing a murderer to remain free?" Adrian asked her.

"I know that you miss your wife, but would she want you to not do the one thing that you care about, because she's dead?" She replied. They have had this conversation plenty of times before.

Adrian answered her question with one of his own. "How do you expect me to work on a case that isn't the one of my wife?"

Twenty minutes later, Sharona was on her way home to her son, and Adrian was again cleaning up his apartment. Disinfecting the couch on which Sharona sat down, the mug she touched when he made her coffee. He's never been that bad before. Monk didn't want to disinfect. Something inside his brain kept telling him to clean furiously or he will get sick again. His own brush with death made him worse than ever. He was even reluctant to shake her hand, he has been for a while. He's been ordering more and more handiwipes for months. Only one type though. Lever 2000. Again everyone noticed his new behavior and worsening condition, except for Adrian himself.

Lately he has been unable to sleep. He hasn't been really able to think. Adrian's stamina for grief has finally seemed to run out. One night he walked into the bathroom. Weeping espcially hard, he was holding his only ancient bottle of wine and his very old bottle of pills. He put the pills into his mouth thinking; "Soon the pain will be over. Soon I will be able to see my Trudy again." As he brought the bottle to his lips, Adrian suddenly thought about what Sharona asked him once, six months ago; "Would Trudy want you to die Adrian?" In a fit of despair he spit out the pills, and put away his bottle, and then went stumbling to bed but didn't sleep. Lying awake all night staring at his picture of his beloved, holding Trudy's pillow, Adrian Monk realized he had hit rock bottom.

Everyday he felt worse and worse. Weaker and weaker. Sharona forced him to eat every day, for he would not eat on his own anymore. All he lived for is cleaning his house, cleaning and hope for death. He rarely called Ambrose anymore, heck he rarely called anyone. His day considered of one routine: waking up at six, cleaning until four, Sharona coming over, being forced to eat. (Adrian finally learned to trust Sharona's cooking. It took months, but since he can't cook, she would force him to eat her cooking. When he learned that he was going to die from it, he learned how to trust her) talking until eight o' clock sharp when she left, cleaning until eleven, then bed. In which he would think. And think. And think.

One day something odd happened. Christmas was coming and Adrian was waiting for the doorbell to ring and Sharona would be there. Over time, she has become more than just a nurse. She was one of his best friends. "BING" went the bell, and he walked over and looked through the peep hole to see a little blond child standing in front of Sharona. He nervously opened the door and let them in.

"Hi Sharona...who's this?" He asked indicating the kid standing shyly in front of him.

"Monk, that's my son Benjy." Sharona replied kindly. "Benjy, can you say 'Hi' to Mr. Monk for me?"

"Hi Mr. Monk." Benjy said automatically and looked apprehensively to his mother for approval. "Can you shake his hand?" She asked him ignoring the look on Adrian's face.

Benjy held his hand out and Monk took it briefly and shook it. When he let it go, he took one look at Sharona and went into the kitchen briefly. "Do you want coffee?" He asked within. "You know the answer to that one Adrian." She said. He poured her a cup and brought it out to her. When he gave it to the nurse, she noticed that his hands smelled like the wipes he used. Sharona was about to says something, but decided against it as the reproach formed on her lips.

The two adults sat in the living room talking while the little boy entertained himself on the floor with a toy truck he brought.

"Why did you bring him?" Monk asked.

"The sitter canceled. Is there a problem Adrian?" She said tensely.

"Well no..but...he's a kid...and..." He answered nervously.

"Are you saying that my kid is going to mess up your precious living room?"

"Well, no...but...look...." He started.

"I'm sorry that he's only five years old! I don't even have to be here!" Sharona said almost angrily.

"No..I'm not saying that...I'm saying that...I..." Adrian started

"You know what?! We're out of here!" The nurse went to Benjy and scooped him up and left.

Monk stood there and watched her leave, when she did, Adrian stood rooted to the spot. He then wordlessly went to his cleaning things and started cleaning up the living room.

About an hour later, the phone rang. He jumped a little at the sound. He had almost forgotten what the sound of a telephone was by now. It's been six months since his last phone call. He picked it up nervously on the fourth ring and said;

"Hello?"

"Hey Adrian, it's me Sharona."

"Hi Sharona...what happened earlier?"

"I'm sorry Adrian..I had a rough day at the hospital, and then to make things worse Trevor was being an ass. Today he called and had the nerve to ask if he could have Benjy for the weekend. He hasn't paid me child support in three and a half years, and he wants my son for the weekend? God!" She exclaimed infuriated. "I'm not angry with you...I'm just angry."

"It's okay Sharona. It's alright. Bring Benjy back...anytime you want." He replied slowly.

"Well, I have to go and get him some dinner...." Sharona said.

When they hung up, Adrian continued cleaning up his living room. When he was done around six thirty, he went into the kitchen to get something to eat. Monk opened up his fridge and found some containers of food cooked by Sharona. He took out a container of Spaghetti and heated it in the microwave. For the first time in nearly two years, he actually ate. Ate to his fill for himself rather than for the nurse..."My nurse." He thought. "No...wait. She's not..."

Eventually Christmas came and went. Stottlemyer, Dwight, Christie, Marcia, and of course Sharona came over with Benjy for a quiet visit on Christmas Eve. (Karen had a really bad cold but she sent her love) Sharona did all the cooking. As hers is the only cooking that Adrian would eat now. Nothing special happened. They didn't decorate the house. "What was the point?" Monk thought. So no one even touched the decorations in the back of the closest. It was actually a more mournful Christmas than the year before.

Dwight being the oldest decided to say Grace. As they all clasped hands and bowed their heads, he began. "Dear Lord, we thank you for bringing us all together on Christmas, celebrating the day of your birth. I ask that you bless this table and everyone sitting around it. I also ask that you have Trudy continue to watch over us from her spot in Heaven..." At that point they all looked up at Marcia who was now standing. "I'm sorry..." She said and ran from the room.

"Wait. Stay here for a minute." Said Adrian getting up to go to her.

She was sitting on his bed sobbing, holding Adrian's beloved photo of his late wife. He sat down next to her and took her hand, unmindful of the "germs" on it. "Shhh...." He whispered to her.

"Oh Adrian...I know it's silly of me..." Marcia started saying.

"No...it's not silly at all." Adrian replied holding back his own tears.

"It's been almost a year and a half now...I wasn't like this last Christmas.." She said.

"I know...I know..." Monk answered.

Trudy's mother than reached over and gave him a hug. Adrian held her tightly as she cried into his shirt. Tears fell from his own eyes.

After about five minutes they both got up. Marcia went ahead into the dining room, while Adrian changed his shirt. It had a water stain on the shoulder, so he threw the shirt away and went out to his company.

As they ate, they were silent. There was nothing left to say.

After they cleaned up and put the dishes away, people started leaving one by one until all guests but Sharona and Benjy who had fallen asleep on Adrian's couch were left. She went over and picked him up who didn't wake up. Monk walked her to the door. "Thanks..and Merry Christmas." Sharona said.

"Merry Christmas..and thank you." He replied "Thank you so much..for everything." He was near tears once again. "See you tomorrow?" Monk asked.

"Well, I don't know. I was thinking of bringing Benjy to see his grandmother." She rolled her eyes at the thought. Adrian nodded, and she left.

When  Sharona got to her house she put Benjy to bed. When she kissed him on the forehead he opened his eye blearily.

 "Mommy? Why does Mr. Monk cry?" Benjy asked in his childish innocent way.

 "When did you see him cry Benjy?" His mother asked back.

"All the time. At dinner tonight...when we were leaving...last time we were there...why is he so sad Mom?"

"I thought you were asleep when we were leaving!" His mom exclaimed.

"I was pretending. But why is Mr. Monk so sad? Why does he cry mommy?"

"Mr. Monk cries sometimes because he misses his wife." She replied simply.

"Did his wife leave him like daddy left us? Did they get a seperation?" Benjy asked sitting up.

"Do you remember your hamster Speedy? Remember how he went to sleep last year and never woke up?"

"Yeah...God wanted him back, so He brought Speedy home."  The child said.

"Well, God wanted his wife Trudy to come home so she had to go. Remember how you were very sad when Speedy died?" Sharona explained. "That's why Mr. Monk is sad. The same way you were sad for Speedy."

"So is Trudy in Heaven mommy?"

"You bet she is kiddo."

"Do you think she is playing with Speedy?" He asked very seriously.

"Oh I think she is playing with your hamster and all the other animals that God wanted to bring home." She said smiling. "Now...give your mom a hug and go to sleep."  Benjy stood up and gave her a big hug and asked "Mom? Will you die?"

"I will one day, but not for a very, very long time. Now...no more talking...time for sleep.Or Santa won't come! I love you baby."

"I love you too mommy."  He said falling asleep instantly.

In the meantime, Adrian was sitting on his couch, staring into the phone. It was only nine thirty. For once, he didn't want to clean. He wanted to call his brother. Monk picked up the phone and dialed. Naturaly, he only got the answering machine.

"Ambrose? It's Adrian...Adrian Monk. I'm just calling to say I miss you and Merry Christmas. Anyway, hope you have a good Christmas...I love you..."

He hung up suddenly overcome. He got ready for bed quickly, and layed down. Sleep overtook him instantly and he slept. All night long. For the first time in about a year and a half.

On the other side of town, a man named Ambrose Monk was listening to the latter part of a phone message sent by a man named Adrian Monk. Ambrose was weeping by the end of this brief message. Adrian still loved him?! How?! "Oh, if he knew what I have done! Oh if he knew..." He began to sob. "He has every right to know...but he coudln't..he wouldn't forgive me."

After about twenty minutes, Ambrose went to bed, and layed awake and whispered to himself. "Merry Christmas Adrian...I love you too."


End file.
